7 Months - 7 Years - Eternity
Yesterday marked 7 months that Phil has been gone. I cannot believe it. There are days I miss him so terribly that it is hard to look at anything without thinking of him, and there are days I look at something and smile because it brings up some amazing memory that he and I shared. No one will ever be him. No one can ever replace him. He was so special and the love we shared was something that people only dream of.
We would stay up late at night and talk about everything and nothing, just laying there with our arms around each other, staring at each other, wishing the moment would never end, wondering how we ever got so lucky to run into each other that day in "The Park" on the in 1999. Our love was PERFECT.
But, what is perfect love? Is it never fighting? Is it no one having flaws? Is it a fairy tale ending from all the classic Disney movies that we come to expect as children?
Perfect love is something entirely different. It is when you just accept a person for all the flaws and imperfections.
It is when you can melt into their arms and all your fears and troubles wash away.
It is when they can kiss it and make it all better.
It is when you can fight like angry toddlers and come back and make up with all the sorrys and love and forgiveness you can muster.
It is knowing that there will be sacrifices if you want to keep that person in your life.
It is knowing that you may hate some of the things they do, but no matter what, your heart and soul will never be able to walk away.
It is sitting in the living room for hours, doing your own thing without saying a word to each other, but being more comfortable than you are anywhere else in the world.
It is being happy on long car rides together because you are with the only person that you can talk to for hours on end about everything and nothing non-stop without getting bored. It is not using ground turkey instead of ground beef because he doesn't like it.
It is understanding that there will be ebbs and flows, and knowing that when it ebbs, you wait because the flow will be amazing once again.
It is feeling their presence in all you do, in all you are, wherever you are, knowing they support you in all your endeavors no matter how ridiculous.
It is them loving you if you gain a few (or a LOT!) of pounds because it never was about what is on the outside that mattered in the first place.
It is making love, not sex, and laughing if it gets messy or awkward, or if it just doesn't work out one time.
It is about being open and honest about EVERYTHING.
It is about being able to withstand the pain of loss. It is taking care of each other to the best of your abilities when the other is sick, or just when they need a little extra something to keep them going.
It is knowing that you may hate that person for a few minutes, but in order to hate someone so much, you have to love them at the same time.
It is love so passionate that there are no words to describe it.
It is walking away if you are angry and coming back when you are ready to be human again.
It is acknowledging when you are wrong, and telling them you are sorry.
It is acknowledging when THEY are wrong, and saying you are sorry even if they won't without another word about their mistake.
It is trusting them.
That is perfect love. My perfect love with Phil is irreplaceable. I'll be lucky to find something even comparable someday.
I'm open, though. Whatever the universe has in store for me, I'm open.