I'm Still Standing
I bought tickets for myself and a friend to see Elton John in Kansas City in July, and I am STOKED. I have loved Elton John's music from as far back as I can remember. I remember when he wore all the crazy outfits and glasses and just thought he was amazing. He is one that I've always dreamed of seeing, and I am making it happen!
Just to make sure I'm prepared, I have been listening to Elton John on Pandora to re-memorize all those lyrics I have long forgotten. Today, the song "I'm Still Standing" came on, and it made me cry. I wasn't sad, though. I was angry.
Most of what I write is about the good times and the intense love we shared, but, as with most marriages, there were some times I'd rather forget. In fact, I sometimes think we got along like brother and sister - we annoyed the hell out of each other, yet we loved and would do anything for each other.
I'm not going to lie, but we had some really miserable time, too. There were close calls more than once, but we realized we wanted to be together more than we wanted to be apart. There was the one "separation," but there were a lot of times that could have been the end.
I don't know what other people's marriages are like because most of the time, we don't know what goes on behind other's closed doors. And it should be that way, unless someone is being abused, of course.
I wasn't always happy, and I'm sure neither was he. There were times I wished I could find a way to stop loving him, but that was impossible. It was too strong, too a part of me. We were more like one person than two, and letting go of one another would have been like giving up on life.
Today, when I heard the song, the words resonated with me.
"Don't you know I'm still standing, better than I ever did.
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.
I'm still standing, after all this time.
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind...
I'm still standing
I'm still standing..."
I always heard it before as a breakup song, and I'm sure that is what it is meant to be. But today, since I've already been thinking that I don't miss our miserable days, I heard it as a song of survival, of strength, no matter what was put in front of me. It made me feel powerful after going through everything I have since I met him - good, bad, miserable, heavenly, passionate, ugly, impatient, lonely, sad, happy, loving, amazing...
I don't feel quite as broken as I did.