New Year's Eve, 12/31/2019
I've have spent the last 20 New Year's Eves with my husband, and this would have been our 21st together. All the Facebook memories that are coming up today are all past memories with him. It is making me miss him terribly. It hasn't even been a month so I know I'm still early in my grief, but today is the first time I have actually had the thought that I'd rather be with him than here.
I am not depressed. I am just missing him so much it hurts. I can't even think of beginning this new decade without him.
I've got kids and grandkids to worry about so I know this is not a rational thought. But even with everyone around, I'm so lonely for him. I feel him with me, but that doesn't help when what I want is his hugs, his kisses, his warmth.
I have no idea how I'm going to get through this.