One Month Tomorrow (2), January 5, 2020
Tomorrow is one month since Phil died in the car accident. Healthy 49-year-old, totally unexpected. I've been sad, hurt, lonely, confused, shocked...but today, I was pissed.
I was cleaning out the fridge to put things into a new one, hauling trash to our burn pile, doing laundry and adding his clothes to a donate pile, moving furniture around to move in the new fridge, sweating and tired, mad that I have to do this all by myself.
I understand some of these tasks would not be happening if he were still here, yes, but still, today made me realize just how on my own I am. He may be here with me in spirit, but that doesn't help me with real world tasks.
Am I wrong to be angry? This is a new feeling for me. I know it is a stage of grief, but obviously I can't be angry at him because it was an accident. Who or what am I angry at? I do not like this feeling at all.