Before Phil died, I had started a plan to lose weight, and I had been sort of successful but not much had happened yet. I had only been on it for a couple months, but he was very supportive and was even eating vegetables with me!
When he died, I stopped cooking. I started eating frozen dinners and snacking very little. I eat out sometimes, but mostly when I'm picking up grandkids or am out somewhere and really don't have much choice. For the most part, though, I have cut back on what I eat by about half.
I have lost 56 pounds from my highest weight. About 15 of that has been since he died. Even better than that, for about the past week, I have been exercising and been paying very close attention to what I eat and when, and the weight is just falling off of me.
Last night while I was stretching/strength training, I was seeing how long I could hold my leg in the air, just to try and improve my endurance. I decided I would try to keep it up throughout the duration of an entire song.
About 3/4 of the way through, it was getting tough. I was shaking and ready to give up, but a thought went through my mind that was definitely a first. "You survived the death of your spouse. You can do f****** anything." And I did it.
I realized at that moment that I survived the worst tragedy I have ever gone through and made it out mostly unscathed. A lot has changed - I have changed - but the changes are good. I am stronger. I am happy. I am financially better. I am independent. I am peaceful. I am alive.
Three months ago, there is no way I could ever consider that I might come out on the other side of this better.
But I did.