The One You've All Been Waiting For
I met someone.
He knew Phil growing up and they were two years apart in school. They weren't exactly friends, but they were acquaintances and knew of each other and knew a lot of the same people. He said that he was bullied a lot in school, but never by Phil. That says a lot.
How did we meet? Well, that remains to be seen. We have no idea! We have apparently been friends on Facebook for awhile, and the first contact was when I said happy birthday to him in April. Neither of us remembers who sent or accepted a friend request, but somehow, it happened. I guess we have to wait until our "friendiversary" to know how long we've been friends.
Anyway, I guess I'll tell you about him. In fact, I'll sum it up briefly: I have never met another person who matches my goofy personality and sense of humor more than he does. We have been inseparable since we started talking, and we have a friendship like I never expected I could have with anyone in such a short time.
The best part? He understands when I miss Phil and lets me cry. Our past relationships have been a part of our conversations, and I know all the good and bad that comes with him. Same goes for me.
I know many people have been concerned with me because of this new relationship that seems to be moving quickly, but here's the deal: When I met Phil, it wasn't much different. We spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other, and we clicked right away. It is the same with my new man.
There were a couple of things that really held me back that I wasn't expecting.
Accepting that it is okay to fall if I want to. This was difficult to deal with because with J, it is all so natural and flowing that it is like we have known each other forever, although we never met in person until recently. It scared the living s*** out of me! Then I remembered that when I met Phil, it was no different. When you know, you know.
Throughout the past 11 months, I have had regular experiences with Ghost Phil. I'm not going to go into that today, but there are several witnesses to his antics, and yes, I mean antics! I have had what I call "whispers" from almost the very beginning, that I can only describe as a thought in my head that wasn't one I came up with. Fairly early on in my grief, I heard the whisper of a certain name. It was that of a person who he knew forever that I had met but never really knew. I pushed it aside but never forgot. There were times we were in almost the same place at the same time (according to Facebook pictures and posts), but never ran into each other. I gave in around my birthday last year and messaged him but never got a response. I tried again a couple months later, but no response again. So, I gave up. I decided that if the one he wanted me to be with has no interest, I'll just pick who I want.
And I did.
I can't say it was planned. In fact, the story of our meeting is almost as unusual as how I met Phil, but anyone who knows me knows I go big or go home. I will take the risks and see what happens. When J and I started talking, it was like instant connection.
I know that there are no guarantees in this life. Of anyone, I know! Because of this, I am jumping in head first off a cliff into the deep water with J and letting it take us where ever it leads. I'm sure not everyone will be happy about it. The thing about that is? I don't give a damn what anyone thinks, and anyone who knows me knows this. If it doesn't work out, we have agreed we enjoy each other's company so much that we will always stay friends.
Crazy? Probably. But I am pretty sure I am about as lucky as a girl can be having two men in one lifetime who love me for exactly who I am, crazy and all.