What is a Real Marriage?
(Written December 19, 2014)
Love is not an easy thing, but once you're in, you're in. For all the those of us who the believe in fairy tales we grew up with, happy ever after does not mean we won't ever fight or want to leave once in awhile. It means that we accept each other's flaws and overlook the little things that drive us nuts. It means we don't pull away when the going gets rough; we trudge through the muck and grow stronger because of it. Throwing two people together who grew up in different lives means our ways of life are not always the same but that just gives us more to learn about the other person. We can grow together from there, melding two personalities who aren't willing to give up when times get hard because they ARE going to get hard eventually.
Perfection isn't possible but trying to get someone to change to your desires isn't going to end well. If you love a person enough to accept them as they are - the person you fell in love with - then accept all that they are and understand everyone changes through the years. If we don't change we don't grow, but there is nothing better than growing together. The tough times can be managed. If you are being too stubborn to apologize or accept their apology, the end is inevitable because forgiving is a huge part of a relationship.
If the one you love isn't beating you or your children (verbally, emotionally, physically), isn't a deadbeat or druggie or raging alcoholic and generally wants to see you happy, the other stuff can be sorted through. Love ebbs and flows, and some days you will love each other but may not like each other. If you can get through the tough days together you will come out stronger. If you don't want to give up on your love, don't! If you want to have your own version of happily ever after, do it!
Surrender the fight and get through it together. Too many great couples break up too soon because they are just too stubborn. It's not worth it to stay stubborn. There are times when leaving someone is the only way to keep safe, and I think those particular issues go without saying, but every day life tussles can escalate into big issues if someone isn't willing to say I'm sorry. If you love someone and the fight is just an overblown bad day, go love your lover and move on.